Category: me

I’m back!

It’s been at least a few months of being faded and jaded but you’ll be pleased to know that finally, I’m back!

Yes, the vivid, vibrant me that stands out in the crowd is re-emerging as we speak.

I do have some words of advice though for getting back into the bleach-and-colour mode…

Firstly, your hair does not like you when you melt it. *sigh*
Yep, if you discover that your bleach is too old and doesn’t work and then decide to re-do it the next day with new bleach, it’s a good idea to put less on the bits that are already more bleached from previous bleaching all those months ago. Or at least smear those bits in hair wax or Vaseline or something to protect them. Cos it all melts and dissolves and goes all weird otherwise! Never managed this one before, but there’s always a first for everything.
Totally talented, why yes, thank you, I am!

After that somewhat shaky start though, we’ve managed to do pretty well with the rest I think.
For the record, I didn’t melt my other half’s hair, for which she is very thankful!
And both colour schemes are looking pretty good so far… the real test will be when the dye gets washed out.

We did take some pics along the way, you just need to picture the giggles that accompanied each step and you’ll get a feel for the hilarity that ensues on dyeing days around here. Add in the teenage daughter telling us just how crazy we are and that’s pretty much it!

Reflections

I am…

stubborn.
not giving up.
nearly always late.
the one who gets out of bed.
better than that. growing every day.
a roller derby girl both on the track and off.
proud. not broken. passionate. loud. intense.
one step away from losing it. in control. still standing.
moving to the beat of my own drum. learning every day. optimistic.
intensely musical. willing to believe there’s good in everyone. tired.
taking it one moment at a time. alive. trying not to be judgemental.
vibrant. experiencing the extremes. never boring. unpredictable.
fiercely loyal. listening. standing still. a whirlwind inside.
screaming. rediscovering. a contradiction. unrepentant.
a survivor. colourful. uninhibited. overloaded.
sometimes selfish. not pretending any more.
eccentric. focussed. full of good intentions.
sensitive. strong. flexible. eclectic. bright.
cheeky. starting again over and over.
the queen of procrastination.
sometimes stretched thin.
running to stand still.
going out on a limb.
a coffee snob.
enough.

I am me.

Some days

Some days I think I would like to stay in bed.
Especially when it’s raining.

It’s warm there.
I can hide under the covers and forget that the rest of the world exists.
Dreams can take me anywhere I want to go, I can be who I want to be and shape my world the way I want it. I can forget that the last two years have been such a rollercoaster of emotions. That although I have lived some of the most amazing highs of my life, I have also touched the depths of despair.

Some days there’s so much that I want to say, so many things I want to shout out to the world.
I just want to be heard.
I want my side of the story acknowledged.
I want to jump up and down, throw the biggest tantrum ever.
It won’t change anything though.
How do you fight when those you are fighting for don’t want it?

Some days it’s a struggle to wake up at all.

Some days are magic.
Filled with laughter, joy, tears and the knowledge that I’m not alone.
That someone gets it all, knows everything about me and still believes in me.
Makes me feel like I’m the most beautiful girl in the world.

Some days I know that I’m not the only one struggling.
I feel like such a fraud, complaining about my petty worries when there are so many others with much heavier burdens to bear every day. It’s all about perspective.

Most days I just get up.
Winter won’t last forever, soon it will be Spring again, then Summer. Plus it has to stop raining soon!

Underground

Alice (Underground)
Avril Lavigne

Trippin out
Spinning around
I’m underground
I fell down
Yeah I fell down

I’m freaking out, where am I now?
Upside down and I can’t stop it now
Can’t stop me now, oh oh

I, I’ll get by
I, I’ll survive
When the world’s crashing down
When I fall and hit the ground
I will turn myself around
Don’t you try to stop me
I, I won’t cry

I found myself in Wonderland
Get back on my feet, again
Is this real?
Is this pretend?
I’ll take a stand until the end

I, I’ll get by
I, I’ll survive
When the world’s crashing down
When I fall and hit the ground
I will turn myself around
Don’t you try to stop me
I, I won’t cry

I, I’ll get by
I, I’ll survive
When the world’s crashing down
When I fall and hit the ground
I will turn myself around
Don’t you try to stop me
I, and I won’t cry

I am not the sum of my opinions…

Lee @ Mummy Issues Part 2 wants to know our opinions…
So being the entirely opinionated person I am, I figured I should join in on the fun! 😉

Labour or Liberal – generally vote Green or independent
Carbon tax – in principle, yes
Mining tax – sure
Uranium export – um, no thanks!
Asylum seekers/ Refugees – yes, give them a chance, otherwise we’re as bad as the place they’re running from
Climate change – can’t continue to be ignored
Wind farms – absolutely, although more solar energy would be better
Marriage equality – abso-freakin-lutely YES!!!
Abortion – I am pro-choice but it’s not a choice I could make for myself
Death penalty – No way
Organ donation – if I’ve got something useful after I’m dead, then sure, go for it
Contraception – yes, along with more education about using it
Controlled crying – no
Sleep training – no
Smacking – no
Swearing – I’m an expert
North or south of the river – apparently this is a Melbourne thing… but I’ll say south! 😛
Life after death – I think we all continue on somehow, just not sure of the specifics
God? – no way. If others want to believe it then that’s their thing, but don’t force it on me
Football code – haven’t watched football in years, but if I had to choose it would be AFL
Football team – bugger football, how about roller derby!
Netball or basketball – do I have to choose? cos I’d still prefer roller derby!!!

Down the rabbit hole

“If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense. Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn’t. And contrary wise, what is, it wouldn’t be. And what it wouldn’t be, it would. You see?”
― Lewis Carroll, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland & Through the Looking-Glass

 

I have to confess right here at the start that I was never a big fan of Alice as a child! I struggled to get through Alice in Wonderland and gave up part way into Through the Looking-Glass! I haven’t tried again as an adult, but it’s on my list of things to do. (yep, it’s a very long list!)

But the idea of it has always appealed to me.

Sometimes everything can seem so backwards and indistinct, a bit like like looking at it in a mirror with a different perspective from the rest of the world. That doesn’t mean that my perspective is wrong, just a little different. And as a supposedly grown-up person, I’ve learned that being different is OK.

So welcome to my topsy-turvy world! Hang on tight and enjoy the ride!
I can’t promise that everything will always make sense, but I’m sure you’ll enjoy the experience if you take things at face value rather than trying to work out the why and how of where they came from.

 

a moment of truth

It’s crazy, it’s insane, it never stops. It’s one thing after another, things getting piled on top of other things that already seemed like too much to handle.
It’s laughing hysterically, it’s crying uncontrollably, it’s the constant change of emotions, it’s out of control.
It’s hectic, chaotic, wonderful, totally unpredictable.

…but it’s my life.

If I accept it as it is and live it, rather than waiting for things to ‘get better’, then I won’t waste a moment of it waiting for something that may never eventuate.

things I’ve learnt in the past six months…

Change is inevitable and necessary and not always bad.

Sometimes the right decision is also the hardest one to carry through.

I can do anything, if I just believe in myself.

Finding myself is an ongoing journey.

I am stronger than I realised.

Sometimes true strength means realising you can’t do it on your own and asking for and accepting help.

It’s hard to be honest with yourself when you’ve been denying the truth for a long time.

Sometimes it’s necessary and OK to cry.

It’s easy to say “it’s not my fault” but sometimes hard to really believe that. Accepting it brings peace of mind.

My kids are amazingly resilient.

There is always a choice.

Some days you just can’t carry through with what you had planned to do. And that’s OK. There’s usually other things that you will do instead that are equally important.

Breathing is really important!

Happiness is sometimes found in entirely unexpected places.

my work here is done!

For the second morning in a row, I’ve had to be up at some obscene hour of the morning! In fact, today was worse, because the alarm was set for 5.30am, which makes yesterday’s 6.30am seem almost reasonable!

Today I was dropping R and her friend M off at school (by 6.45am) so that they could catch the bus down to the Gold Coast to participate in the Opti-Minds Challenge. I have to say that considering what time they went to bed last night they did well!

Anyway, a random conversation between M and another team-mate J while we were all walking to the classroom to carry stuff to the the bus, struck me as funny…

J – oh, so that’s R’s mum!

M – yeah

me (curiously) – who did you think I was??

J – oh I’m not sure, just some random person

awesome! I look random! pmsl!

and later on, standing freezing near the bus…

J (looking first at R then at me) – yeah, you do look pretty similar now I think about it

me – well yeah, that would make sense, considering that I gave birth to her and everything 😉

J (to R) – you know I’m never going to be able to look at you the same way again after hearing that!

score one to me! Does that rate on the ‘most embarrassing things ever’ scale?? R didn’t seem too fazed by the conversation! Guess she’s gotten used to me by now! Maybe I’m going to have to try harder!

oh, and in a slightly related, but maybe not really, train of thought… what is it with all the packs of bike riders that are out and about between 6.30 – 7am on a Sunday morning? I mean seriously, it’s freakin’ cold people! I can’t believe that there’s so many of you who get up voluntarily at the crack of dawn! And seem to enjoy it!!

So now I’m here at 7.30am on a Sunday morning, wide awake (thanks to the second cup of coffee that is warming up my fingers right now) so I can’t even go back to bed! Guess I’m going to have to do something useful!!