Rollerderby

There’s a million stories out there on the internet about rollerderby.
They range from technical stuff telling you what the game is, how to play, rules etc, through to the sensationalised bigoted reports that make out that it’s violent, aggressive, stereotypically butch and altogether bad and dangerous. Yeah, whatever people!

Then there’s the more personal touch where girls just like you and me talk about their own experience with derby and how it has changed their life in so many ways. That’s the stuff I like to read. Because rollerderby is huge. It’s the fastest growing sport in the world and it has touched the lives of so many people in the process.

First and foremost, rollerderby is fun!
Who can resist putting on the skates you loved when you were growing up and getting back out there and feeling the wind in your hair and the speed, effortless speed as you go around and around… then add into that being able to hit people, block people, dodge people and you’ve got the ultimate sport!
It’s hard work. Training til you’re ready to drop, pushing yourself just that little bit harder to be that little bit better. Getting knocked down over and over again, but getting up each time and getting straight back into it, because that’s what it’s all about.

Behind the sport is the girls, the guys and the whole community.
That’s probably one of the biggest drawcards after the actual skating part!
Rollerderby seems to attract all those women who didn’t quite fit in to traditional sports.
It’s an amazing family to belong to, a worldwide sisterhood where you can find like-minded people wherever you go. Don’t get me wrong, there’s all the usual bitchiness you find in any group of women and then some, but there’s something that holds it all together despite the internal politics. A friend once commented that whoever invented derby must’ve been insane – who on earth would invent a team sport for strong-minded independent women?? But somehow, it works.
The derby community may look scary and different with lots of tattoos, piercings, bright coloured hair, out there clothes, black black, more black, etc etc, but they’re the most loving, generous and truly accepting people in the world. They accept you for who you are, there’s no pressure to be anything other than yourself. Sometimes there’s issues between individuals, but on the whole, you can walk into a derby league on the other side of the world, put on your skates and train with them, and know that they won’t question you, just accept that you’re a derby girl just like them.

For myself, rollerderby has played a huge part in the last few years of my life.
I started derby in September 2009 and just loved it.
Along with finally getting a bit of fitness back (after four kids, I needed that, lol!) it was an opportunity to get to do something for me. For two nights a week, I could forget about being mum and just get out there and be me.
It helped me to rediscover who I am.
Reminded me that I didn’t need to put up with the bullshit of people trying to make me into something I’m not.
That I didn’t need to take on someone else’s problems as my own.
Gave me the confidence to stand up and say I’m not going to put up with this shit any more.
So many of the people I met along the way have stood by me and have been there as everything has fallen apart. They’ve helped me to stand tall and proud despite all the difficulties and picked me up and kept me going every time I felt like I just wanted to give up and stay down. Even when I’ve been offskates for the last eight months, the derby community has been there behind me. I’m itching to be back out there on the track again!

There’s probably thousands of stories out there just like mine.
There’s probably any number of things other than rollerderby that have been the catalyst for other people.
But this is my story
and for me, rollerderby gave me back myself
and no matter what else happens, I’m truly thankful for that.

Tomorrow is a new day

Sometimes life doesn’t quite take us exactly where we planned to be.
Not that I really had a plan as such.
In fact, to be honest, I rarely plan anything.
Ever.

When you have kids, something happens that changes you. All of a sudden you’re identified as “so-and-so’s mum” rather than just as yourself. It takes a lot of getting used to at first.
Sometimes I resented it with every fibre of my being, that loss of myself.
But you get used to it. You become that person. You have more kids, you’re redefined again. and again. and again. With any luck you still keep that core of yourself, but you evolve around it, becoming that “mum” identity.

So how do you deal with it when all that changes again?
When you’re still so-and-so’s mum. But they’re not here with you.
How do you reconcile that they’re still doing all the usual things that they do every day.
But you’re not there to see it.
They come to visit, you can pretend it’s like things never changed.
But then they go again.
And you miss them.
Miss all the silly things they do that make you laugh.
Miss all the hugs, the constant hanging off you that makes you want to scream.
Miss the annoying things that drive you nuts.
Miss them all so much.

I’m thankful for the laughter, smiles and memories from this last week of holidays with my boys.
For the rest of the family who are here every day inbetween, keep me busy and make me laugh.
For the teenager who keeps telling me it’s all going to be ok.
For my other half who is walking with me every step of this journey.
And that tomorrow is a new day. every day.

It’s Thankful Thursday again with Kate @katesaysstuff.

Stocktake… Aspie style

6.30am – alarm goes off. Hit snooze, place phone under pillow and go back to sleep

6.40am – alarm goes off again. Hit snooze again, but this time the other half wakes up too, remarking “aren’t you going to get up?” Damn, busted already! There goes that extra 10 minutes snooze!

Turn on coffee machine, shower quickly, open front door for teenage daughter returning home to babysit younger brothers while we go off to work at our annual stocktake job at the local variety store. Dress in many extra layers, it’s always freezing cold in there! Rush out door with coffee in hand and a banana each (see, breakfast!) thinking that it would be easier to eat said banana if not wearing gloves right now! 😐

Totally forget that the only place in town with longterm parking is at the train station, so have to do a graceful Uturn and go back around to the carpark! Rush in the door of the store draining the dregs of coffee and noting that the temperature inside seems at least 5 degrees colder than outside! Brrrrr! 😮

So as a team of two Aspies, with a lovely touch of OCD thrown in for good luck, we have a system all sorted out for how we manage our stocktake responsibilities. The other half has been doing the job for years (plus has neater handwriting than me) so has the writing responsibilities. I get to do the counting. Apparently that’s because I’m the one who’s good at maths. I’m not sure I totally get the reasoning there, but that’s OK! This was my second year on the job. Apparently we did such an awesome job last year that they assigned us to the same section again this year… I swear the same mugs, glasses, woks etc are still on the shelf from last time! Then again, maybe it’s new stock. That just happens to look the same! 😉

There are a few rules about how it has to be done.
If you make a mistake, you can’t change it, you have to cross it out and write it again.
You have to do each bin/section in numerical order.
The OCD kicks in to try to minimise the amount of writing, so it’s all about grouping the same things together before counting, especially when you have a stack of bowls that are two different prices mixed together. It really sucks to get to the bottom of the pile only to find there was one more of something you’ve already written on the sheet so you have to write a whole new line for that item! Or then there’s the random stuff you find that obviously isn’t meant to be where it is, but you still have to write it up anyway. Like bright pink crocs balanced carefully on top of a rack of boys trackpants… yep, exactly where you’d expect to find them! 😯

Once we finished with the wall of kitchen type stock, we got moved to the kids clothes section. Apparently it’s not as bad as the wall of mens undies… but after counting 197 boys singlets I’m not so sure about that one! :roll:

It’s a lot of fun though. There’s some weird satisfaction in a job well done and counting stuff over and over is kinda therapeutic. As is giggling at some of the totally random stock on the shelves!
So we’ll be back next year to do it all again. 🙂
Although there’s a big part of me that wishes that end of financial year was in summer not the middle of winter cos it would be much faster to count things without numb fingers in gloves!

Linking up with Jess @diaryofasahm for IBOT


Don’t forget to stop by and visit her and all the other blogs linking up today!

Moving forward

I just spent at least 5 minutes debating as to whether posting about being excited about my divorce is inappropriate…
I’ve decided that I don’t really care what everyone else thinks! I’m excited and I’m going to say so!

I’ve been looking forward to finally getting that bit of paperwork out of the way so that I can move on with the rest of my life…
So we showed up at the court building on a rainy grey Tuesday morning, I stood up in front of the registrar (bright green and yellow hair and all) for 2 minutes and walked out a free woman. Well that was easy!

Going through emails today I came across one from the Family Court confirming that indeed I did attend the court on Tuesday and informing me that:

“Your Application for Divorce has been heard and a divorce order has been made.

The divorce order will take effect one day and one month from when it was made. A copy of the order will be mailed to you, usually within two weeks of it taking effect.”

So I guess the party will be happening in a month or so!

On a serious note though, I’m thankful for new beginnings, closing the book on this particular chapter of my life and looking forward to all the tomorrows in the world.

 

Linking up with Kate @katesaysstuff today for Thankful Thursday.

I’m back!

It’s been at least a few months of being faded and jaded but you’ll be pleased to know that finally, I’m back!

Yes, the vivid, vibrant me that stands out in the crowd is re-emerging as we speak.

I do have some words of advice though for getting back into the bleach-and-colour mode…

Firstly, your hair does not like you when you melt it. *sigh*
Yep, if you discover that your bleach is too old and doesn’t work and then decide to re-do it the next day with new bleach, it’s a good idea to put less on the bits that are already more bleached from previous bleaching all those months ago. Or at least smear those bits in hair wax or Vaseline or something to protect them. Cos it all melts and dissolves and goes all weird otherwise! Never managed this one before, but there’s always a first for everything.
Totally talented, why yes, thank you, I am!

After that somewhat shaky start though, we’ve managed to do pretty well with the rest I think.
For the record, I didn’t melt my other half’s hair, for which she is very thankful!
And both colour schemes are looking pretty good so far… the real test will be when the dye gets washed out.

We did take some pics along the way, you just need to picture the giggles that accompanied each step and you’ll get a feel for the hilarity that ensues on dyeing days around here. Add in the teenage daughter telling us just how crazy we are and that’s pretty much it!

Vegetarian tacos

Corn tortillas

250g white corn masa flour
310g water

Place into TMX bowl and knead for approx 4 mins.

Tip out onto floured mat and knead until smooth. Divide into 16 pieces and press out with a tortilla press (or roll out to approx 2mm thick). Dry fry on a pan at medium heat, both sides.

Filling

155g rice
1 onion
2 cloves garlic
1/2 red capsicum, chopped
40g olive oil
2 tomatoes, chopped (or a tin of diced tomatoes)
2 tbsp tomato paste
1 or 2 tins of kidney beans
1/2 tsp ground cumin
1 tsp chilli powder
125g water

 

Cook the rice and set aside:
– 155g rice

Peel and quarter onion and put into TMX with garlic. Blitz for about 5 seconds on speed 8:
– 1 onion
– 2 cloves garlic

Add chopped capsicum and oil. Cook for 3 mins at 100C on speed 1:
– 1/2 capsicum
– 40g oil

Add tomatoes and tomato paste. Cook for 1 min at 100C on speed 1:
– 2 chopped tomatoes or 1 tin diced tomatoes
– 2 tbsp tomato paste

Add the kidney beans, cumin, chilli powder and water and cook for 5mins at 100C, on reverse, speed 1.5:
– 1 or 2 tins kidney beans
– 1/2 tsp ground cumin
– 1 tsp chilli powder
– 125g water

Reduce heat to 70C and cook for another 10mins, reverse, speed 1 with the MC off.

Add cooked rice and cook for 3 mins at 100C, on reverse, speed soft.

 

Serve with salsa, salad and cheese or whatever else takes your fancy!

Reflections

I am…

stubborn.
not giving up.
nearly always late.
the one who gets out of bed.
better than that. growing every day.
a roller derby girl both on the track and off.
proud. not broken. passionate. loud. intense.
one step away from losing it. in control. still standing.
moving to the beat of my own drum. learning every day. optimistic.
intensely musical. willing to believe there’s good in everyone. tired.
taking it one moment at a time. alive. trying not to be judgemental.
vibrant. experiencing the extremes. never boring. unpredictable.
fiercely loyal. listening. standing still. a whirlwind inside.
screaming. rediscovering. a contradiction. unrepentant.
a survivor. colourful. uninhibited. overloaded.
sometimes selfish. not pretending any more.
eccentric. focussed. full of good intentions.
sensitive. strong. flexible. eclectic. bright.
cheeky. starting again over and over.
the queen of procrastination.
sometimes stretched thin.
running to stand still.
going out on a limb.
a coffee snob.
enough.

I am me.

Some days

Some days I think I would like to stay in bed.
Especially when it’s raining.

It’s warm there.
I can hide under the covers and forget that the rest of the world exists.
Dreams can take me anywhere I want to go, I can be who I want to be and shape my world the way I want it. I can forget that the last two years have been such a rollercoaster of emotions. That although I have lived some of the most amazing highs of my life, I have also touched the depths of despair.

Some days there’s so much that I want to say, so many things I want to shout out to the world.
I just want to be heard.
I want my side of the story acknowledged.
I want to jump up and down, throw the biggest tantrum ever.
It won’t change anything though.
How do you fight when those you are fighting for don’t want it?

Some days it’s a struggle to wake up at all.

Some days are magic.
Filled with laughter, joy, tears and the knowledge that I’m not alone.
That someone gets it all, knows everything about me and still believes in me.
Makes me feel like I’m the most beautiful girl in the world.

Some days I know that I’m not the only one struggling.
I feel like such a fraud, complaining about my petty worries when there are so many others with much heavier burdens to bear every day. It’s all about perspective.

Most days I just get up.
Winter won’t last forever, soon it will be Spring again, then Summer. Plus it has to stop raining soon!

Underground

Alice (Underground)
Avril Lavigne

Trippin out
Spinning around
I’m underground
I fell down
Yeah I fell down

I’m freaking out, where am I now?
Upside down and I can’t stop it now
Can’t stop me now, oh oh

I, I’ll get by
I, I’ll survive
When the world’s crashing down
When I fall and hit the ground
I will turn myself around
Don’t you try to stop me
I, I won’t cry

I found myself in Wonderland
Get back on my feet, again
Is this real?
Is this pretend?
I’ll take a stand until the end

I, I’ll get by
I, I’ll survive
When the world’s crashing down
When I fall and hit the ground
I will turn myself around
Don’t you try to stop me
I, I won’t cry

I, I’ll get by
I, I’ll survive
When the world’s crashing down
When I fall and hit the ground
I will turn myself around
Don’t you try to stop me
I, and I won’t cry